Easter

I joined Grace Community church for their Easter sunrise service as I have for years. It's become a personal tradition even when my family doesn't come. I stand there and give myself up completely to the joy of God's redemption. So often, I hold the heartache of this world in my consciousness at some level, but on Easter morning I celebrate the perfect kingdom that is, and is yet to come. He is for us. He is on our side. Then I went to the regular service at Vineyard, and out to Catalina to spend the rest of the day with my family. Greg joined us too. My mom and dad and I sat out in the garden with the wildflowers and birdsong. My parents are so wonderful. I'm so analytical, and they help me process through everything. I miss some of my old friends so much. I've been so focussed on building this little business of mine that I don't take time for the people I love. Of course the whole point of growing my business is so that I have the time and money to travel to visit friends. Oh balance is so hard to find!

Robert Falconer

Quote from Robert Falconer by George MacDonald
'Of one thing I am pretty sure,' he resumed, 'that the same recipe Goethe gave for the enjoyment of life, applies equally to all work: "Do the thing that lies next to you." That is all our business. Hurried results are worse than none. We must force nothing, but be partakers of the divine patience. If there is one thing evident in the world's history, it is that God hasteneth not.

Being sick

I've been sick for over a week now. I don't feel too terrible, just too weak to do anything. They say this virus can last up to four weeks! I haven't been able to work a whole day at all. This sickness hit right at a time when I was so excited about everything that I'm involved in. My art classes have been growing exponentially and I love the time I spend with the students. I've gotten involved with two great non-profits. One is called Arts for Life. I'm meeting precious, precious kiddos that make life so much fun! My roomies are the best! I see more and more of the the ways in which God made them truly amazing people. Every day I'm challenged by their sense of humor, hard work, compassion etc. I'm also finding time to hang out with my brothers. My little brothers have become friends. And yet, for now, life has all but stopped. Up until now, I've been in a sort of denial I guess. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up well again. In the mean time, I need to really trust God. I want to rest in him and take this opportunity to re-prioritize. "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise up early and stay up late . . . for the Lord grants sleep to those he loves.

Stories

This entry is for Nate. Thank you so much for leaving a comment. The truth is I thought no one ever read this. At first I thought I didn't care. You know, I've always journaled and I've never needed anyone to read that. But somehow I haven't had the emotional courage to put my heart out there and be faced with the fact that of all the people I love, not one is that interested. That's kinda hypocritical of me as I am not much of a blog reader myself, but there it is.

Life has been amazing to me recently. Though I guess I'm easily amazed. Sometimes I think my head is going to explode with the excitement of being alive, (such as getting a comment from an old friend at just the right time) though it is tempered by my almost daily bouts of melancholy. My previous entries really describe where my heart is still at. The only difference is that I try to live it instead of just talking about it. I've been meeting a lot of people in Tucson who share my passion for social justice and for seeing the beauty of God's kingdom here and now. Only someone who has ached for that for years can understand how exciting that is. I've got to leave for church. I'll write more later.

Rainy Saturday

What a beautiful morning! It's raining and I'm sitting here in my pajamas drinking tea. I just got a new George MacDonald book in the mail from Johanneses Printing and Publishing. (Robert Falconer). This is what they say. - Century-Old Literature that transcends time, culture and history stimulating higher, nobler and purer thinking. It's true. The moral atmosphere is healthy and deep in the reading of his books. I am never as strong, or wise, or hopeful, as when I am reading one. Another book that was like that for me was Jane Ere. It's a dream of mine to illustrate one of MacDonald's books. I discovered a potentially wonderful thing about myself. I am deeply affected by the things I read and watch and listen to, and by the people I'm with and the things we talk about. The great thing about this is that all I have to do to "stimulate higher, nobler, purer thinking" is to bring into my life noble things.

Stormy Weather Reading

Here's my most recient painting! It has taken me entirely too long, but it's finished (almost). When we were children we used to stay in beach cabins along the Oregon coast. I miss it so much.

The Weight of the World

Since reading Irresistible Revolution, I feel as though I've been trying to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know that wasn't the author's intention, but nevertheless... When we follow Jesus, we are asked to suffer for Him, and to even identify with the heartache of our world. And yet, the fruit of His Spirit are love, JOY, and peace. If I try to solve the world's problems without these, I'm not on the right track. Tonight the night was gentle and kind as I listened to a Graham Cook talk about God's powerful love and fatherhood. I may follow him into the darkest parts of the world, but the ONE I will be following is the Prince of Peace and The Father of LIght, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. Rest is a powerful weapon.